Dear Reader, if my blog is too depressing, don't read it! Just sayin'. This is my life and I can't help how I feel. I am not perfect and I have things in my life I am working on too. That being said, read it with that in mind. Thanks!
Got another call from mom yesterday, that she can't breathe and needs to go to the ER. Said she slept all day Tuesday and couldn't wake up and then whenever she tried to get up and do anything, she was out of breath or if sitting, couldn't stay awake. Of course this scared me! Then, she said, but I don't want to go for a couple hours because I don't have any clean clothes. So, then I realized it must not be too bad. Long story short-I think she is missing my dad and got depressed and didn't realize why she wanted to sleep so much. Her nurse had me go pick up anti-anxiety pills for her at the pharmacy last night, but then they gave her the shakes and a headache and now she has body aches this morning.
She mentioned to me yesterday that there MUST be something wrong with her apartment, because every time she leaves it, she feels fine; when she returns, she feels sick. So, before even going to her apartment, I stopped off at the office to talk to the manager on duty. I asked if we could call the gas company out again to double check and see if there is still a leak in her apartment. She was very nice to help us out. We got the gas company to come out, but the guy was a total ---! He was such a jerk! There was a very minor leak, but determined that the ambiant air was fine, no Carbon Monoxide, and everything was in proper working order. Mom had had the sliding door open, so if there was a problem, I don't know if it would have picked anything up anyway. I am not a scientist, but common sense would tell me that if there was a problem, it was aired out by then, after about 4 hours.
In the meantime, the fire department was called out and they brought their little monitors out to check dangerous gas levels, etc. Everything checked out okay. They went into another room of the apartment and it checked out okay too. One of the firemen suggested that maybe she has some allergies to something in the apartment, another suggested it is all mental, and that when she gets around other people, she forgets about how bad she feels; then, when she comes home, it comes back because then she starts thinking about how awful she feels.
I got kinda mad at her and we got into an argument. I told her that there is nothing wrong with her! I have taken her to the doctor and she has had so many tests! They have checked her inside and out! (Last week, she had a colonoscopy!) So, this morning, I asked her to tell her nurse I want a carbon monoxide poisoning blood test done, just to rule that out. I don't want there to be something wrong and find her dead or something! But geesh! I think she is fine. I think there is some mental stuff going on. But, other than taking other people's word for it, I had to discover this on my own and tried to give my mom the "benefit of the doubt".
I hated that we got into an argument, but some things were said that needed to be said. I left her on a positive note, however. I asked her to write down 100 things that she is thankful for and that I wanted to see her list the next time I returned. And I told her that I will get her a gratitude journal that she needs to write in every day and write down all that she is thankful for. The lesson for the day: Don't look back or dwell on the past. The future is bright and wonderful ahead. Look forward to it and be grateful for all the blessings in your life.
I realized from this experience yesterday, that mom and I are so much alike in so many ways. It scares me a bit, but it really should be empowering! Knowledge is power, right? Baby steps...and breathing exercises. :) ha!
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