Stressed!

Well, mom got out of the hospital two weeks ago tomorrow.  She fell and fractured her pelvis and is now in rehab in American Fork.  She is slowly making progress, but progress is progress.  I hope she starts feeling better soon.  I do not know how I am going to do it, but soon she will be living with me and my family and I will be taking care of her.  I am really scared.  I am hopeful it will be a good thing for her and for my family to learn to serve and care for someone besides themselves.  I think it will require a LOT of prayer and a lot of PATIENCE!  (Which I need to pray for.  I sure don't know how I am going to do this.)

I love my mom and am thankful for all that she has done for me.  It is my turn to love her back!  :)  

Robbie is still having seizures.  I don't know why and neither does the doctor.  So, I guess we just take it a day at a time and a seizure at a time and keep plugging away at life.  This IS our life.  Some things "suck", this being one of them, but what do you do?  Press forward!

We may have sold our house.  We are under contract and have inspection tomorrow.  If all goes well, we will be renters, come November 3rd.  As part of the contract, we will be able to rent the house back from the buyers until just after the first week of June.  (Or, we can leave sooner if we so choose.)  That way, we don't have to disrupt the kids' school schedule and have plenty of time to figure out where we want to be.  

 Today, they showed up to see the house.  I told the Realtor "no", but they still came.  I was really ticked off, so much so that I had to leave the house.  I was trying to tell the Realtor that they could wait until tomorrow.  But, apparently, I need to clean out my ears or need to take a communication skills class.  (Perhaps that would not be a bad idea anyway!)  I did not tell the Realtor they could come.  I told him that I was busy and didn't feel like I wanted to rearrange my schedule just to accommodate them.  I understand their excitement, however. 

Zachary has not yet received his mission call.  Due to some mis-communication issues, he will have his interview this Sunday with the Stake President and then if all goes well, he should get his call in the mail within just a couple weeks.  I am so excited for him!  It will be very interesting to see where he goes.  I cannot really explain it, but I think he will go foreign.  Like:  Taiwan, Cambodia...some place like that.  My Aunt Dianne thinks he will go Asian too.  Like Korea even.  So, we shall see.  It is just a few short weeks away until we know.  I will post it here for those that are following.  

So with mom's health issues, Rob's health issues, Jacob's health issues, Doug's health issues, and mine, which I cannot discuss on here yet, and getting the house ready to sell and keeping it ready to sell and now selling it,  I am overwhelmed.  Not that any of this is  terribly life altering or earth shattering, it IS stressful none-the-less.  But, I do acknowledge the hand of God in my life and know that I received strength and help to endure these trials.  

One more thing...I cannot seem to understand certain people in my life.  I consider myself to be generally an easy person to get along with.  But what I cannot seem to understand is that there seems to be something "wrong" with me.  I don't have a lot of friends.   I never really have.  I wish I understood why.  What is it that I do?  What is it that I am not?  What is it that is so annoying about me that people do not want to associate with me? And, My kids? And, My family?  One cannot change what they do not know needs to be changed or helped.  Good thing I don't have many followers on here, I guess.  They'd probably be the ones to be offended.  I have offended a few people recently.  One in particular.  I did not intend to!  But boy is she pissed at me!!!  Oh well!  Soon I will be gone like a ship in the night.  I don't think I will be missed here in Utah.  What's to be missed?  Sometimes I wish I could go to a place where no one ever knew a thing about me and just thought I was the neatest person on earth!  One can dream...I don't even feel like that with my hubby any more.  I used to feel like I was the "apple of his eye"  Now, I feel like nothing more than a pain in his backside, his bunk-mate, housekeeper, cook, and childcare giver.    I wish I was better.  I guess I better get it figured out and get to work!  Time for the "pity party" to be over.  I just needed to vent, I suppose.  

Blah, blah, blah...

Papers and more papers???

As many of you know, Zachary is preparing to serve a full time mission for the LDS church and will be gone for two years.  Zachary turned in his mission papers to our bishop today.  He will be called in for an interview with the Stake President very soon.  It is getting really super exciting as we are closer to finding out where he will be sent.  It is probably just weeks away.  I can't wait!

Yesterday, we had someone come to look at the house.  It has been on the market for about three months, or thereabouts. While I was gone last night at the R.S. broadcast, they came by for a second look.  I am trying not to get too excited, but hope to hear something soon.  I guess we were one of two they were torn between.  The Realtor called to ask us a couple more questions about the house and he called back again to see if we would be flexible with the move out date.  Of course, Doug said yes.  So, now we wait and see if they chose our house or the other one.  Since we haven't heard anything, I am leaning toward that they chose the other house.  I am excited, but nervous too.  So...papers?  Will we be signing papers?  I don't know!  I hope we know by tomorrow sometime.  The anticipation is killer!

Whew! What a year!

I am not great at keeping up with a blog.  Life is busy and full and there isn't usually much time for writing.  The following is written as best as I can recall.

Last year, about this time, I moved my mother to Pleasant Grove, to be closer to me so I can help her.  Prior to moving her, I helped a friend pack up some of her house as she and her family were moving across country.  Not to brag, but I was a comfort to her mostly, helping her get through the stress of it all.  For about three or four days, if I remember right, I was at her beck and call.  It was a great experience and I was glad to help.

My sister came to help pack up my mom's house.  We got quite a bit done together, but there was still more to pack.  I was able to get it all done and organized by the time the movers came.  We got everything loaded, my brother-in-law, my sister, some of their kids, ward members, friends, and myself.  It went pretty fast! I believe it was the next morning that we left early and headed for Pleasant Grove.  We made pretty good time and things were pretty uneventful.  We got to P.G. and Wayne, Ben, Doug, some of my boys, a good member from our ward, Brother Washburn, and myself, unloaded mom's things into her apartment and into storage.  Then, Wayne and Ben had to fly back home.  I cannot remember all the small details, but they were big to me at the time.  I was and am very grateful for the help that was received at that time, by everyone who pitched in.

Mom has had some troubles and has for many years.  So much so, that many of us have had a hard time believing that there was anything wrong.  She was in the hospital in November, last year, and everything was found to be "normal".  With all the testing that was done, I kept trying to encourage her through it all. 

Month after month, trial after trial, plugging along... Doug and I decided that it was best to put our house up for sale and have her move in with us.  But, as to this day, our house still hasn't sold.  So, I am not sure what we will do at this point.

Over the course of months this year, things seemed to get pushed back further and further.  Doug had to rebuild the deck on our back porch.  It was in bad shape.  One day after inspecting it, he found that there was little to nothing even holding it up.  After much research, calculations, and hard work, that major project was finally finished.  It took much longer than anticipated.  Months!  In the meantime, I spent much of my time packing up each room of the house.  I tried only to include the necessary items that would help to "stage" the house to sell and put everything else in storage.  Because Doug had to work and the kids were in school, I did most of the work myself.  It was hard and draining, yet I felt very compelled that this was the right thing to do.

After painting some, getting new carpet installed in the family room, and cleaning out the wazoo, the house was finally ready and we put in on the market in July.  It was WAY beyond our goal, but we decided to go ahead with it.

During all the preparation to get the house on the market, our oldest son began having seizures again.  He had them when he was 12, but has been seizure free for almost 7 years.  This has been quite hard on him and very frustrating.  The first one came in April while he was at work.  During the seizure, he fell and hit his head on a table and his glasses slid into his forehead, gashing it open, and when I got to him, he was a bloody mess.  The paramedics were called and he was taken to the hospital by ambulance for a CT scan to make sure he didn't have a brain bleed.  Everything came back normal and he was stitched up and sent home.

The next week, he was seen by a neurologist and put back on medication.  But, that didn' stop the seizures.  He had his second one in May.  This time when he fell, he broke and dislocated his right shoulder.  So, off to the ER we went and his shoulder was set and we were sent back home.  It was about 7 or so weeks and an increase in medication later, that he had yet another seizure.  This time, it happened at home and he was found by his brother Joshua.  He fell in his room, on what-we never determined.  Doug got to him before I did.  I was at my mom's helping her.  I was called and rushed home to find that Robbie had landed on his face and had gashed his eyelid open, barely missing his eyeball, and also cutting open his forehead.  Once again, we were off to the ER to have him stitched up.  He was a mess!  (Remember, head wounds are very bloody!)

As a mom, you worry about your kids.  No matter how old they are!  Rob is 20.  He is 6 foot 9 and a half!  That is a long ways down to fall!  At this point, I was feeling like he should be wrapped in bubble wrap and wear a helmet!  Poor guy! 

Robbie is still not out of the woods.  He has since had two more seizures that have left him unscathed, thankfully.  But, it has been very frustrating to him and to me as all test results have come back "normal".  He has had his medication doses increased, another pill added, and we still don't have any idea why this is happening again.  We are told he is classified as an epileptic because he has had more than one seizure and basically to go home, take his meds, and deal with it.  It is his life.  This is not acceptable to me, but I don't have any other option than to do exactly that.  It is very frustrating!  As a mother, you want to give your kids answers to their questions, make their "owies" all better.  But, I can't! 

Speaking of "owies", we have also had three sprained ankles this year and little Jacob has had to endure several casts on his foot, for correction of his club foot that he has had since birth.  After several castings, hoping to stretch his achilles tendon, it was determined that they were unsuccessful this round and he had surgery 6 or so weeks ago to release that tendon.  He is scheduled to get his final cast off on Monday, next week.  I hope he isn't too tight in that heel now.  I guess we'll see. 

Back in July, Doug was going out to the fridge in the garage to get milk for dinner and fell down the stairs.  He broke his big toe and it required surgery.  A screw was placed as well as a pin.  He got the pin removed a few weeks ago and will go back to the doctor next week to check the healing. 

I guess it has been about three weeks ago now, I got a call one morning from my mom's in-home-health nurse to say that mom was being transported to American Fork Hospital.  She couldn't get up to let the nurse in because she was in so much pain.  And, as standard protocol, he had to have her sent in for observation.  It probably sounds bad, though it is not meant to be, that I thought it was going to be "much of the same" as in times past; where they would run a bunch of tests and find nothing.  So, I took my time getting to the hospital, hoping that by the time I arrived, they would know what was going on.  Doug was out of town on business and I had to get all the kids off to school.  So, once I was done with that, I got to the hospital.

After sitting with mom for a while, they finally came in and took her in for an MRI of her neck to see why she was having so much pain. They found that she had herniated discs in her neck, impinging on her spinal cord.  So, as soon as I knew it, they were transporting her to Utah Valley Regional for surgery.

I felt bad for thinking what I had.  Mom had a terrible fall about a year after my dad passed away.  (Almost 8 years ago.) She slipped on some black ice outside of her front door.  She said she had been knocked out for several minutes.  She went to her doctor and several other's over the years and no one would believe her or help her.  She has suffered for a very long time.  Back in November, she was told at some point, she broke her lower back.  I saw it for myself on a CT scan.  But, it had healed; improperly, but it was healed.  I had been taking her to the chiropractor this summer for several visits.  We had x-rays taken, but the herniated discs were never identified.  So, she kept going for treatments, hoping for some relief and sometimes feeling it.  But, at one point, it just kept getting worse.

As I was saying, finally, after being in the hospital for a couple days, she ended up going in for the surgery and had three vertebrae fused and a partial disc-ectomy.  After one day of recovery, they sent her home.  (That was a mistake!)  She wasn't very strong on her feet, which made me very nervous, and for good reason.  I stayed with her, thank goodness!  That night, she fell and I had to call for paramedics to come and help me get her up.   I was really scared that she hurt herself and had undone what she had waited for so long to get help to fixed.  But, as they got her up, it was apparent that she was fine and just needed to rest.  I stayed with her for two nights, on the couch, so she wouldn't be alone.  It was a couple of really long nights, but I was glad to be there with her.  She had a hard time sleeping and needed someone there, for love and reassurance.

It is interesting how soon there has been a role-reversal in my life.  I didn't imagine that I would be taking care of my mother this soon.  And, she is very dependent, like a young child who needs their mother.  She will call me early in the morning if she had a bad dream.  Or, if she needs me.  Most of the time I don't mind.  She is very lonely and needs to be loved.  She misses my dad terribly and loves the association of her family.
I am not sure what the future holds, but I love my mom and I am committed to do whatever I can to help her and show her the love and respect she is deserving of.

I am so thankful for the knowledge I have as a daughter of God and a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints.  Heavenly Father knows each one of us, by name, personally and individually, and knows what we can handle.  It has been quite a remarkable year!  There have been many tests and trials; physically, mentally, emotionally, and spiritually.  But, I am thankful for every one of them.  I know that they strengthen my faith and draw me closer to my Heavenly Father and my Savior, Jesus Christ.  My trials are my own.  They have not been "earth shattering" or "life changing" too much, if you want to compare them to others' trials.  I will take what I have been given and be grateful.  And, I am.

Now, as far as what to do about the house?  That remains to be seen.  I think we are going to pull the listing and wait until the Spring.  Maybe.

I am having some health concerns that I am not legally able to define in this setting.  But, I hope to have some answers and some things accomplished to help them improve very soon.  Perhaps that is why we are not selling right now.  I don't know.

But, on the very bright side of things, Zachary is preparing to go to serve the Lord on a two-year, LDS mission.  He had his wisdom teeth pulled last week, fillings yesterday, and is awaiting appointments with our Bishop and Stake President to get those underway.  He could potentially have his call by the end of October.  I am SO excited and So very proud of him!

Oh, what a year this has been!  And, we have three more months to go!  It will be interesting to see what lies ahead and where we will end up.  Sometimes, the test is to see if we will listen and follow through with the promptings we receive.  Also, how we endure the test.  My perspective has been, that my life is in the Lord's hands.  He will help me and guide my paths.  Nothing we do in this life is wasted.  It all gives us experience and is for our own good.  So, I will plug along and do the best that I can, however insignificant I seem to feel, I must remember that my Father and my Brother know me and they love me, and are with me every step of the way.

Thangs that make you say...oops!

Well, yesterday, I finally bit the bullet and took Marissa to the doctor. She had an earring back stuck in the whole of her earlobe where her ear was pierced. I put those little rubber backs on her earrings, the ones that are probably intended to keep an earring on the little card. Doug didn't see that there was ANY back on the earring and pulled it straight through her ear. I told him that there WAS a back on it and he said, "Whoops!" So, I told him to let me see her ear. I checked the other ear, but apparently not close enough. I didn't see a back at all, and pulled out the earring. The plastic back, stuck inside! Oops! I hoped I could put the earring back in and push the back through her ear. But, no such luck. So, I waited for it to hopefully fester and work its way out. No. No such luck. So, after about a week and a half, I decided to take her to the doctor.

I took her to her pediatrician. He took a look and wasn't sure what to do. It was a first for him! So, he said, "Let me call a couple of my buddies". He sent us to a friend of his, who is an ENT doc. He numbed her up, made a couple of small cuts, and the thing popped out! (I got to help assist with the surgical procedure, gloving up...the whole works! It was cool!)

So, with a small circular band-aid and some antibiotic ointment and about $65 later, so far, she is on her way to recovery without growing old with a piece of plastic in her ear!

So stressed out!

The girl's went to their grandma's today. They had such a great time! Grandma's are so fun to have around! Julia learned how to make a grilled cheese sandwich! From her grandma! So...entirely...cool! I could have taught her, should have taught her...but what a great experience! This is good for me too! Not that I don't, but...It shows me that I can teach my children things if I put a little more trust in their abilities. Awesome! I love my mom! :)

Feeling a bit sheepish!

Mom's nurse was out and said that if the gas company and the fire department both said that everything is fine, then she doesn't need a blood test to determine if there is still any possibility of carbon monoxide poisoning. Well, don't I feel sheepish! I wanted to rule out all possibility of there being anything wrong, physically. I guess I better leave things to the professionals and not try to figure things out on my own!

Now the next step for mom is a visit to a psychiatrist. Maybe I need one too! Dang!

Things that make you go Ugh!

Dear Reader, if my blog is too depressing, don't read it! Just sayin'. This is my life and I can't help how I feel. I am not perfect and I have things in my life I am working on too. That being said, read it with that in mind. Thanks!

Got another call from mom yesterday, that she can't breathe and needs to go to the ER. Said she slept all day Tuesday and couldn't wake up and then whenever she tried to get up and do anything, she was out of breath or if sitting, couldn't stay awake. Of course this scared me! Then, she said, but I don't want to go for a couple hours because I don't have any clean clothes. So, then I realized it must not be too bad. Long story short-I think she is missing my dad and got depressed and didn't realize why she wanted to sleep so much. Her nurse had me go pick up anti-anxiety pills for her at the pharmacy last night, but then they gave her the shakes and a headache and now she has body aches this morning.

She mentioned to me yesterday that there MUST be something wrong with her apartment, because every time she leaves it, she feels fine; when she returns, she feels sick. So, before even going to her apartment, I stopped off at the office to talk to the manager on duty. I asked if we could call the gas company out again to double check and see if there is still a leak in her apartment. She was very nice to help us out. We got the gas company to come out, but the guy was a total ---! He was such a jerk! There was a very minor leak, but determined that the ambiant air was fine, no Carbon Monoxide, and everything was in proper working order. Mom had had the sliding door open, so if there was a problem, I don't know if it would have picked anything up anyway. I am not a scientist, but common sense would tell me that if there was a problem, it was aired out by then, after about 4 hours.

In the meantime, the fire department was called out and they brought their little monitors out to check dangerous gas levels, etc. Everything checked out okay. They went into another room of the apartment and it checked out okay too. One of the firemen suggested that maybe she has some allergies to something in the apartment, another suggested it is all mental, and that when she gets around other people, she forgets about how bad she feels; then, when she comes home, it comes back because then she starts thinking about how awful she feels.

I got kinda mad at her and we got into an argument. I told her that there is nothing wrong with her! I have taken her to the doctor and she has had so many tests! They have checked her inside and out! (Last week, she had a colonoscopy!) So, this morning, I asked her to tell her nurse I want a carbon monoxide poisoning blood test done, just to rule that out. I don't want there to be something wrong and find her dead or something! But geesh! I think she is fine. I think there is some mental stuff going on. But, other than taking other people's word for it, I had to discover this on my own and tried to give my mom the "benefit of the doubt".

I hated that we got into an argument, but some things were said that needed to be said. I left her on a positive note, however. I asked her to write down 100 things that she is thankful for and that I wanted to see her list the next time I returned. And I told her that I will get her a gratitude journal that she needs to write in every day and write down all that she is thankful for. The lesson for the day: Don't look back or dwell on the past. The future is bright and wonderful ahead. Look forward to it and be grateful for all the blessings in your life.

I realized from this experience yesterday, that mom and I are so much alike in so many ways. It scares me a bit, but it really should be empowering! Knowledge is power, right? Baby steps...and breathing exercises. :) ha!

Back in the Saddle Again

I haven't blogged anything in forever! Lots of things happening in my life. I might try this again and see what happens. :)

Let's see...2011 is coming to a close and as I look back, I clearly see the hand of the Lord in my life. I wish I was better at journaling, however. I can't remember everything, but the following are some of the major highlights.

Last school year, I had one child in College, one in High School, one in Jr. High, and the three little ones in elementary school. Talk about strange! But, this year, ALL six kids are in school! I thought I would not know what to do with my time, but I have managed to find plenty!

In August, I helped some friends pack and move. They had to pack up quickly and the mom wasn't sure what to do. They did not take much with them, but what they could fit in their RV and a tow behind trailer and small automobile. I did quite a bit of packing and tried to help the mom maintain her sanity through it all. They made their move and are doing very well, but are sorely missed.

A few weeks later, I packed my mom and moved her from Middleton, Idaho to Pleasant Grove, Utah. I am thankful for the help I had for the first few days, hauling, sorting, and tossing things. It made packing up her home much, much easier. (Thanks to my sweet sister and my uncle.)

Zachary had surgery in October. He had a cyst removed from his forehead and a lymph glad removed from his neck. Thankfully, there is no cancer and he is mostly healed up. He had the stitches on his forehead rupture on the outside, so he has quite a nasty scar. But, with time, hopefully it will minimize a bit.

We had a flood in our basement, that has been ongoing for the last while. It was finally determined that it was NOT the sprinkler system, but that we had the cartridge go bad in the upstairs bathtub faucet and as much water as was spraying out of the faucet, was spraying into the wall. JOY!!! So, when the girl's took a shower or a bath, the water was running down the wall and saturating the carpet in the room below them. Later, it was determined that in 3 of the 4 bathrooms, the cartridges were all bad! So, as a precaution, we had them all replaced.

After months of leaking, and inspections, and mold, and damaged carpet, etc. we had walls removed, mold removal and treatment, heppa fans running, walls replaced, carpet replaced, and the room repainted. Now, all the repairs have been made, a few items replaced, and a few more items still to be replaced, but looking on the bright side...we have a home, we have a roof over our heads, we have warmth and we are truly blessed. Sometimes, things happen that help remind us of what is truly important in our lives. Sometimes, those lessons are not necessarily convenient, but are teaching moments...that help us learn some of life's greater lessons. Count your blessings! And, be grateful!

The kids are playing hide-and-seek, in the dark, in our house as I write this. It is also 10:30pm, so I should probably go for now and get the little ones off to bed. Christmas break...staying up late, playing games, having friends over, having sleep-overs, and just having lots of fun! I love Christmas break! I love having my kids home and am glad to see that they really do love each other. :)